Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
not ubering you a puppy
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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