i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
