I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
