I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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