I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Damn victory sex feels great
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