im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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