i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
