I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
