Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
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