I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
