Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
