i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
