You just made me feel so damn special
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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