Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
