dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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