You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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