OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
