it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
