if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
