I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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