I am puke
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
