Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
