How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
