We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
