my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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