He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
