y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
