ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
