dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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