so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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