I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
