i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
