Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
