I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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