I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
