why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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