I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
