I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
