I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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