I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
