Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
