We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
