so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
