I want to walk on stilts...naked
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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