i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
