9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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