Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
