We won't sleep together?
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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