Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
