I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We had sex on a dog bed..
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
